Believe what I say...

You expect me to believe what?

One of the hardest parts of my “encounter with evil” (I think that will be my new descriptive catch phrase) is the feeling of isolation that it has brought.  I’ve never been the kind of person who feels the need to discuss my feelings ad nauseum or even ask advice on personal problems – I just figured things out.  This, however, has been an entirely different story. Never having believed in evil, I have no real point of reference from which to try and analyze the situation.  

My husband was out of town on business the night of the “exorcism”. He called shortly before I went to bed that night and I jokingly told him about my experience.  I still hadn’t fully realized what had taken place… on some level I knew something significant had happened, but I had yet to fully realize the full spectrum of the events.  Although I couldn’t see him I knew he was sitting in his 5 star hotel room, wrapped in a cushy robe, munching on something out of the mini bar and rolling his eyes.  He’d always humored my interest in the paranormal, but absolutely did NOT believe any of it.

About a week later he questioned me and asked if I really believed I’d had a run in with a demon.  I said, “yes” and proceeded to tell him about everything I’d experienced since and all the huge differences I now saw in my life and personality. He sat looking concerned and finally said, “do you think you need to go talk to someone” – of course, by “someone” he meant a psychiatrist. I was a little hurt, but knew if the situation had been reversed I would reacted in the same way. In the following weeks he began cracking jokes and making light of the situation – this I wasn’t able to ignore.  My husband and I have a great relationship and RARELY even disagree but when he started poking fun at this I immediately whirled around and told him to NEVER, EVER joke about it again. I knew he didn’t believe me (and I didn’t blame him) but I wouldn’t put up with him making fun of it.  His eyes were wide and his mouth open – I think for the first time he realized that I was actually serious about what had happened. He now agreed that something traumatic had occurred, but he wasn’t able to wrap his mind around the possibility of it involving a demonic force.

Now he’ll occasionally ask me if I’ve had any more nightmares or feel scared but that’s as far as it goes. I truly do understand his disbelief, six months ago I was biggest non-believer around, but I also long for someone to confide in…