Although it’s only been three months, I feel like it’s been
a lifetime since the “exorcism”. And although I’d like to forget my life prior,
I know it’s important that I don’t. I’m still dumbfounded at how different I
feel and how many of my “tastes” have changed.
I suppose it can be summed up in two words: black and white.
My entire life used to be dark. Now I truly prefer the light.
We’ll start with music….
Just for the record: I was always a club kid at heart. I dressed conservatively, put
a high price on manners and etiquette, went to a well respected college, and tried
to always appear professional and “classy”… however, once the sun went down I
loved nothing more than donning my Goth accoutrements and heading out to the
back alley dance club. People who don’t really know me are always surprised when
they see me at the gym or grocery store wearing a Rammstein t-shirt or when
they bum a ride and are greeted by Marilyn Manson pumping through my mp3
player. The angrier and harder the music, the better. I always said, “I don’t
just want to hear my music, I want to feel it too”. My ipod is filled with
Metallica, Eisbrecher, KMFDM, NIN, Ministry, My Life the Trill Kill Kult,
Megaherz, Oomph!, and of course my beloved Rammstein and Marilyn Manson. I may have
looked like an upstanding all-American girl but just below the surface lay a
kohl-eyed bad-ass who had no problem throwing you to the ground and
not-so-politely showing you your place.
I often likened myself to a hyperactive child on Ritalin – listening to
hard music (especially German metal) calmed my mind and actually relaxed me.
Easy listening stations would drive me absolutely bonkers and I found it
extremely difficult to focus if faced with “smooth jazz” and sappy ballads. I
was never allowed to pick the station at work…
After the “exorcism” I quickly realized that when choosing
morning drive time music I no longer wanted my old favorites. The music that previously
underscored my life was now completely unappealing. Bewilderment ensued.
Many years ago my husband brought home a CD entitled
“Tibetan Incantations”. I have no idea where it originally came from, it had
been sitting unnoticed and unopened for quite some time. The entire CD consists
of 3 songs, two of which are different versions of the same song. In the past
this would have been the bane of my existence, but now I find it completely
soothing. Soon after the “incident” I
popped it into my car’s CD player and it hasn’t left. Aside from the occasional news station
traffic check, it’s the only thing I listen to while driving. Every time my
husband is in the car he has to say, “Still not tired of it?”
“Nope.”
The old songs are still on my ipod (I just can’t work out to
Buddhist chants) but I no longer feel the same affinity for the messages behind
the music. In the beginning I would
actually forward through many of the songs; I’ve stopped doing that but still
have no interest in playing them anyplace but the gym.
It may not sound like much to anyone else but trust me, this
was a huge change.
Tibetan Incantations on Youtube:
Tibetan Incantations on Amazon: Tibetan Incantations
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